Sometimes I feel like I’m going mad. One thing for sure – the Lord has had me pray dangerous prayers lately. You know the ones…
“Lord, fill me with your Holy Spirit.”
“Consume me with Your love.”
“Help me to see with Your eyes.”
“Help me to know what it is to love You with all my heart, mind, soul and strength.”
I’m so heartsick I can barely stand myself.
But I realize that this is what I have been praying for. To be so consumed with Him that every time my thoughts touch on Him tears begin to fill my eyes. I’m at an all-time level of dissatisfaction and I have no idea what to do with myself. When God turns His face toward you and looks you in the eye you will be changed. You cannot look upon the face of God and remain what you were before…who you were before.
Moses was so changed he had to cover his face when around his people because the glory of God emanating from him terrified them. And so it should.
There are times like today when He feels so close to me I’m about come unglued, while crying out for more. More truth, more love, more of Him. It’s an insatiable hunger. I feel like a drug addict today trying to find my next fix.
Consumed.
Then there are other seasons when I’m reaching out as far as I can, only to have His fingertips brush against mine and I fall…longing, praying, drowning. And I wonder what it is that I’m holding onto so tightly that I can’t seem to grasp His open hand.
It is a travesty really. Too many times I want to hold onto my worldly things when God is calling me to something deeper and more glorious than my latest gadgets, my internet, my Facebook or Myspace, or my ministry involvement.
God help me. I cannot be who You’ve created me to be without Your abiding Presence. Help me to lay down every trapping that would keep my heart from Yours. Teach me how to reach You in the holy place, for You are my greatest Desire.
“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.”
Song of Solomon 8:6
Have you ever tried to drive down the road and NOT read the billboards? They’re everywhere you look. Today I was coming home, and for some reason I had this crazy thought to try NOT looking at them. I had a 20 minute ride home, and it was very challenging. Normally I read everything going down the road – it’s just part of the driving experience. We don’t even realize we’re doing it, unless the billboard is particularly creative or flat-out obnoxious. The Lord began to speak to me through this experience.